Femininity (or the lack there of)

I often find my femininity called into question, as a consequence I am called to jump to the defense of my womanhood, to prove myself worthy of the title.

It happens, so frequently that I am often forced to justify my transitioning to others, why are you bothering? Why go through so much?. The onerous burden of proof rests on my shoulders, and I present very little tangible evidence for my case.

The problem is that I'm not stereotypically feminine, which numerous people I've come out to find difficult to grasp. It is almost certainly due to the fact I do not conveniently fit into the expectations that many have of trans women in this culture (or women in general)!

It's kind of exasperating because I loathe the labels "butch" and "masculine". I am by no means a hyper femme southern belle, girly girl covered in 3 layers of painstakingly crafted makeup, or a fashion model. But by the same token I am not a butch lesbian with carefully cropped hair, flannel and baggy pants. Not that there's anything wrong with being anything like those, it's just not me.

The main reason why I concern myself with this topic is that this typically has been used to put me in my place so to speak, to quite literally call into question my status as a woman. To put it bluntly, I do not have conform to anyones standards of femininity or masculinity, it does not change my gender anymore than my hair color does.

Realistically I have as many masculine interests as I do feminine, but that is an exceptionally common trait to the point of even calling this newsworthy is dull. Show me an individual that does not have a mix of masculine and feminine interests and traits! It only becomes an issue because I am addressing this disconnect between my gender identity and my body. I am for better or worse a woman, irregardless of how I present, what I do or whom I interact with. It as much a part of me as my personality and mind, and body.